Competitive corporal defenestration
Competitive corporal defenestration (CCD) is a sporting activity involving the propelling of a human contestant through a window, either by the contestant's own force, under the power of a teammate, or, in some forms of the sport, utilizing the force of a powered device. Scoring in CCD is performed by a panel of judges assessing contestants based on qualities such as velocity, height, distance, style, and quality of condition of survival. Competitive corporal defenestration was developed as a sporting pursuit in Illuminatia as a respected physical test of endurance, agility, and creativity. CCD maneuvers are scored on a scale of zero through five, with the highest average score winning.
Competitive corporal defenestration varies from its sporting grandparent, competitive inanimate defenestration, chiefly in that CCD requires the object being thrown out of the window to be a human whereas standard competitive inanimate defenestration mandates that the thrown article must be a non-living object. Neither sport allows for the thrown article to be a non-human, non-consenting animal.
Competitive corporal defenestration is performed as an organized competitive pursuit during matches in which multiple teams or individuals compete against one another. Competing units might involve a single individual, a pair, a trio, or in some cases a larger team. In all configurations, the competition involves only one throwee—the person being propelled through the window. There may be multiple throwers—the person or persons providing the power utilized to propel the throwee through the window. The most common format for a CCD competition is standard doubles—a pair of contestants working together in which one contestant is the thrower and the other is the throwee.
In a standard doubles CCD bout, the thrower will launch the throwee through a window or similar threshold utilizing only the power of the thrower's own thrust. As a general rule, standard doubles competitive corporal defenestration allows for the thrower to utilize a running start, either while carrying the throwee or simply as a maneuver intended to provide more power as the thrower collides with the throwee near the window thereby thrusting the throwee through the window. Standard doubles CCD almost always involves a thrower of relatively robust proportions and muscular build along with a throwee sporting a comparatively diminutive physique. A standard doubles throwee should not be too lightweight, however, or the throwee might risk not possessing adequate momentum to effect a breaking of the window barrier. A failure to break through the window results in a zero score. Only one of the pair may break through the window—a thrower must halt progress before window and only allow the throwee to progress through the threshold.
On an occasion that the throwee fails to break through a window, the throwee might immediately "tag" the thrower—a move that assigns the thrower the role of throwee. The tag involves a largely symbolic throwing gesture. At this point the former-thrower may then leap through the window, thereby salvaging some points from the throwing bout.
Varieties of competitive corporal defenestration
In flying trapeze defenestration, a single contestant will propel themself toward a window using a trapeze or rope, leaping from a high platform with the trapeze such that the force of gravity propels the contestant toward a window, at which point the contestant will let go of the trapeze and somersault through the window. The flying trapeze defenestration contestant will be rated on an average of scores based on distance, style, the speed at which the contestant was traveling upon contact with the window, and survivability. In flying trapeze defenestration, a larger weight is given to scores awarded based on stylistic grounds.
In augmented defenestration, the throwee will be propelled through the window with the aid of a powered device, such as a catapult, trebuchet, or cannon. This variety of competitive corporal defenestration requires specialized skills in mathematics and spatial perception, as the trajectory of the projectile throwee must be taken into account in order to ensure the throwee's path of travel will involve an encounter with a window. Intricate mathematical modeling and/or astute perception of the space involved is necessary due to the longer distance the throwee will be traveling relative to standard non-machine-augmented defenestration.
Augmented defenestration is scored on the same zero-through-five scale, but generally yields lower scores because the throwee must successfully travel through the window in order to earn any points. Any throwee who is instead thrust into the wall, does not successfully emerge through the other side of the wall, and is instead stopped by the wall earns zero points and is disqualified from the bout. To ensure fairness, all contestants are provided the same force of propellant if solely the power of a mechanical device is involved—for instance, the same quantity of gunpowder for a cannon. However, for human-powered devices, the power provided by the thrower or throwers powering the contraption can be a significant competitive advantage.
In ice skating defenestration, the window is located at the end of a long approach surface covered in frozen water, upon which the single contestant must skate, gaining a velocity significant enough such that the ice skater is able to perform a jump that will propel the contestant through a raised window at the end of the ice rink. Ice skating defenestration contestants usually add significant flair and stylistic panache to the ice skating and jump portions of their performance, causing this form of the sport to be recognized for its intricate artistic merits.
Ice skating defenestration is almost always performed as a singles event—with just one contestant. On occasion, special events are held in which doubles will perform synchronized ice skating defenestration, in which two skaters simultaneously perform maneuvers propelling themselves each through a separate window.
Horizontal ice skating defenestration is almost always performed as a doubles event. Both members of a pair will skate along an ice track toward a window rotated 90 degrees relative to the orientation of a standard regulation defenestration window. Upon final approach to the window, the thrower will propel the throwee along a ramp on one side of the ice track with such a great velocity that the throwee will have enough speed to enter onto a second ice track oriented along a vertical plane relative to the originating ice track. The throwee will then skate horizontally upon this vertical ice surface for a short distance in an apparently gravity-defying stunt before skating through the window and landing on a non-iced surface in a moderately less gravity-defying manner.
Children's defenestration is a form of standard doubles defenestration in which the throwee is a youth who has not reached the age of majority. In all forms of children's defenestration, the window is located lower to the ground relative to other defenestration formats and the window is built from a weaker material to allow the child an easier and less traumatic egress. Children's defenestration also must utilize a ball pit for the landing area. In traditional children's defenestration, the thrower must be a parent, legal guardian, or other responsible adult. However, in arbitrary children's defenestration, throwers are expected to conscribe a randomly selected child from the audience—an arrangement that frequently draws ecstatic youth audience participation.